ABSTRACT
The institution of marriage commands high
social recognition and, importance in our society. Marriage is
a social institution that is designed among other things by God to be enjoyed
by humans and not to be endured. Since it involves two adults that
comes together to live as one, conflicts will arise which will shake the union
to its very foundation. Causes of the conflicts are numerous; some
of them could be avoided with pre marital counselling, marriage counselling
proper and post marital counselling to produce a stable family life. Divorce is
a total breakdown of the marriage union without remedy. Some causes are lack of
communication, lack of love for one another, lack of tolerance between the
couple, barrenness in the typical African system,
conflicts of individual roles and a host of others. The effects of divorce go
beyond just the couples, even beyond the immediate family members, also extends
to the children’s future life because it affects their whole total
life. This research work considered the effect of divorce on the
immediate family members in the area of the pupil’s attitude to examination, the moral performance of pupils from divorced parents,
the academic performances and the pupil’s attitude to drugs and alcohol. From
these effects, five hypotheses were developed and administered to four
different schools in Surulere Local Government Area of Lagos State. One hundred males and
one hundred females were selected from Aquinas Private College, Penny International College, Sanya Senior Secondary
School and Aguda Grammar School. The importance and relevance of guidance and
counselling before marriage, during marriage and even after divorce cannot
be overemphasized. To
assist and help the adolescent make
valid decisions and the decision taken to be realistic, so that the person can
be responsible for his or her actions.
CHAPTER ONE
INTRODUCTION
1.1 Background
of Study
When God created humans, he made it possible
for production of offspring by the coming together of a man and woman through
marriage. Marriage is a social institution for union of a man and his wife in
body and soul (Olayinka, 1990). People view the concept of marriage from
various perspectives. Some people view it as a contract which is as a result of
legal consequences. The lady’s bride price is refunded, if the termination is
adjudged to be the fault of the wife or when there is a breach of contract. Marriage
is also seen as a game you get into at any time and you get out of at the least
loss of interest. Christian marriages do not agree with these views mentioned
above. The Christians assert that marriage is not a contract and should not be
terminated or separated at the least lost of interest. Marriage to them has a
deeper and different meaning. The catechism of the Catholic Church defines
marriage as a matrimonial covenant by which a man and a woman establish between
themselves a partnership of the whole life. It is by its nature ordered towards
the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring. The
chief function of marriage is to provide a forum for affection and emotional
security from one generation to another. In the marriage union, man and woman
develop the full sense of togetherness, belonging, responsibility and
interdependence (Olayinka, 1987). Makinde (2004a) asserts that the function of
marriage is to provide happiness, security, cultural growth, and development of
a sense of responsibility for enhancing continuity and societal perpetuation.
Marriage is seen as a permanent union of a man and woman done freely, founded
on love and designed for companionship, procreation and proper upbringing of
the children. It can only be lawfully dissolved by death. Divorce is usually
perceived as the solution to difficult marital relationships irrespective of
the repercussion on the couple, children, adolescents and society at large.
Divorce is one of the most stressful life events a person can experience
regardless of whether one sought the divorce or was unprepared for the divorce.
When adolescents are involved the stressful event is even more complex.
The
institution of marriage commands high social recognition importance in Nigeria.
Traditional marriage grounds itself in an arrangement between families and not
essentially a union of two individuals. It is also regarded as a union between
a man and a woman for the duration of their lives and also as a forum for wider
association between two families or two sets of families (Obi, 1966: 155).
Expectations are that “marriage is for life” or “should be for life”. This can
be explained by the religious and socio-cultural beliefs that the matrimonial
home is sacred and the utmost fulfillment was in marriage.
While
marriage is supposed to be a beautiful special relationship for the life and
calls for harmonious integration of husband and wife to “become one flesh”,
many other factors (psycho-social, cultural, education, economic and
environmental show the tendency for people inside marriage to deviate
significantly). They pursue autonomy and harmony simultaneously and these two
are diametrically conflicting goals (Adelson, 1970). This as Kalis (1970) has
noted, the particular nature of conflict in human relations may be perceived
rightly as the most abundant source of psycho-social problems which threatens
marriages and many other institutions.
Conflicts
are bound to emanate from the marriage relationship since it involves human
beings who have come from various cultural backgrounds and have different
individual and social values. The sum of the couple’s reactions to their
marital problems will ultimately determine the survival of their marriage or
its failure. Counsellors involved in resolving marital conflict must
necessarily understand the nature of such conflicts if they must succeed in
their enterprise. The study is an attempt to understand the nature of marital
conflicts as well as help counsellors acquired skill in resolving conflicts
general and marital conflict specifically.
1.2 Statement
of Problem
Spouses
usually work had toward handling these differences and difficulties but
some
are not able to resolve the differences and difficulties. Their marriage fails.
When marriages fail, divorce is the resultant effect. There are some basic and
fundamental needs for a stable and peaceful marriage which cannot be
overemphasized. Some major causes of divorce include financial problems, sexual
incompatibility, problems from in-laws, religious incompatibility, financial
problems, cultural differences, lack of parental skills, poor communication,
childlessness (mostly in the African system and even the issue of a male
child), among other issues.
Marriage
counselling is not yet as effective as is psychotherapy or counselling directed
at non-marital problems. In one study, for example, about 66 percent of the
subjects who received marriage counselling reported the result “helpful”. In
contrast, 88 percent of the subjects who sought help for personal non-marital
problem reported the result as “helpful” (Guin et al 1960).
In
Nigeria the issue is not how effective marriage counselling is, it is its total
absence even in “official quarters”. This means that the divorce rate is high
(Weigh 1994) and even for marriages that seem to be together, the couples are
unhappy and only “bear their marriage as a big cross” (Mbazue: 1995).
The
absence of pre-marital and marital counselling may be the reason why Kumuyi
(1990) reports that homes are breaking at an alarming rate today. Unhappy
marriages and marital break down in Nigeria has serious implications for the
society. Amongst most Nigeria a community, a marriage is not an individual
affair. It involves the entire family and even the village or community (Bulus,
1986). Marital breakdown therefore affects the health of the society. If the
family therefore is an index of measuring the success or failure of the
society, it means that marital failure translates into the failure of the
society.
There
is therefore need to understand and solve marital conflicts because of the
implications they have for development. In Nigeria we are faced with
such problems like youth delinquency, robbery, drug abuse, sexual immorality,
prostitution and several others.
Several
studies have investigated the family background of such children involved, and
the result have shown that most of these problems mentioned above are as a
result of parental separation. As a result, the attention of the government,
individuals charitable organizations, parents, teachers, guidance and
counsellors are needed to consider this alarming
problem.
Counselling
like education is a lifelong process. This means that every human being needs
guidance and counselling as they grow from cradle to crane. The importance of
guidance counsellor to adolescents and children in their multifarious problem
of adjustment to living cannot be overemphasized. In their daily interaction
with peers, teachers and parents, adolescents encounter educational, vocational
and personal social problems which they cannot resolve themselves. Fears,
anxiety, conflicts, suspicious of adult values and occasional rebellious acts
sometimes show the type of stress and strain which typical adolescents
experience as they grow from childhood to adulthood.
Perhaps
more than adolescents, parents also need guidance and counselling for their
daily living roles as parents especially in training their children to be good
citizens of the nation and also to have and keep a peaceful and successful
home. Counsellors have been trained to listen effectively and help
individuals make use of their wealth of resources to resolve their personal
concerns. Major reason for the Federal Government of Nigeria to issue a policy
statement as contained in the National Policy on Education (2004) and observed
as follows:
“In
view of the apparent ignorance of young people about career prospect, and in
view of personality maladjustment among school children, career officers and
Counsellors will be appointed in post primary institutions. Since qualified
personnel in this category are scarce, government will continue to make
provision for the training of interested teachers in Guidance and Counselling.
Guidance and Counselling will also feature in Teacher education programmes.”
Consequent
upon the above, frantic efforts were made by the three tiers of government to
train Counsellors for all levels of educational system study and generous
scholarships were granted teachers to undertake courses in Guidance and
counselling. It is in this vein that the curriculum of counsellor trainees
especially at the undergraduate level has been focused on training them to meet
the demands of adolescents not only at the secondary school level but also
beyond. Counselling assumes that for us as people it is quite easy to relate
with and disclose to other people who take time to listen to us and our
problems and try to help us understand them.
Before
guidance and counselling was introduced into the 3rd world like Nigeria,
some group of individual were responsible for advising and counselling
individuals in the traditional society in the resolution of social, personal,
educational and vocational problems according to Odebunmi (1982) consisting of
traditional religious priests, fortune tellers, elders and heads of families
within the extended family system, teachers and principals within the
educational systems, priests and religious leaders of churches and Imams and
Alhaji’s within the Moslem religion, friends and acquaintances within the peer
group.
The
American Personnel and Guidance Association (1967) defined Guidance as an
organized effort of a school to help the individual child develop to his
maximum potential. Bernard and Fullmer (1977) on their part consider Guidance
as the formal and informal effort to guide youths into the future. For Ipaye
(1983) sees Guidance as a generic label, an umbrella term that covers all the
means whereby an institution identifies and responds to the needs of pupils or
students no matter the nature of the need and no matter its source thereby
helping the child to develop to his maximum potential.
Arbuckle
(1966) has attempted to distinguish the usage of the term ‘guidance’ as a
concept, as an educational construct and as a service. To him, it is used as a
concept to denote the utilization of a point of view to help an individual.
From the educational point, it refers to the provision of experiences that
assist pupils to understand and accept themselves and function effectively in
their environment. Also as a service, it denotes procedures and processes
organized to achieve a helping relationship Olusakin (2010).
The
American Guidance Service Inc. defines Counselling as the process in which an
experienced and trained person assists a second person to understand himself
and his opportunities, make appropriate adjustment and decisions in the light
of his understanding, accept the responsibility for the choice and to follow a
course of action in harmony with his choice.
Shertzer
and Stone (1976) defined Counselling as a learning process in which individuals
learn about themselves, their interpersonal relationships and behaviours that
advance their personal development. Thompson and Poppen (1972) define
Counselling as a person-to-person relationship in which one person helps
another to resolve an area of conflict that has not been hitherto resolved,
Olusakin (2010).
Smith
(1955) defines it as a process in which the counsellor assists the Counsellee
to make interpretations of facts relating to a choice, plan or adjustments
which he needs to make. It involves a one-to-one relationship and must be done
by well trained personnel.
Marital
counselling has been described as the organized application of techniques or
interventions which is designed to modify for the better, maladjustment or
maladaptive nature of human relationship of marital partners. In the opinion of
Akinade (1997), marital counselling is concerned with assisting couples to
understand where they are so that they may decide for themselves which way to
go. It could be divided into two broad phases i.e.; the pre marital counselling
phase and the marital (after marriage) phase.
While
the first is concerned with assistance given to prospective spouses before they
enter into marriage, the second is meant to address marital issues/problems
likely to be faced or is being faced by married couples during the wedding
ceremony and later in their inter relationship as husband and wife. It involves
the use of counselling theories and techniques as well as biological (genetic)
screening of the individuals about to go into marriage, Adeyemi (2004). The
Planned Parenthood Federation of Nigeria (PPFN) believes that a good family
life is important because it is the condition, not only for health and
happiness, but also for responsible citizenship, community life and prosperity,
Adeyemi (2004).
Due
to consistent quarrels and fighting in troubled families, there is the need to
help couples and their children through counselling. This is the rationale
behind this study. The issue of broken and divorced parents is a serious one
that affects the life of many young ones especially in Nigeria due to so many
reasons which will be considered in the course of this project. Conflicts in
the family always prevent the home from performing its duties or
responsibilities towards the rearing of the young ones and the growing youths.
Love is a word that covers a broad spectrum of attraction, liking, respect and
positive interpersonal relations (Makinde: 2001). The importance and relevance
of Love in the home cannot be overemphasized.
1.3 Objective of the Study
The objective of this study
is to examine the place of Guidance and Counselling in the causes and the
effects of divorce on the immediate family members in Nigeria.
1.3.1 Specific Objectives
In line with the objective,
the following specific objective have been formulated to
i.
find out ways in which students social development (age nine and
below) are affected by divorce.
ii.
establish ways in which parents living together influences the
children’s social development.
iii.
find out ways of reducing effects on social development
1.4 Research
Questions
Having
review relevant literature on this study, the focus still remains on the
guidance and counselling implications on the causes and effects of divorce on the
immediate family members in our Nigerian society. To achieve the state
objective of the study, the following research questions were developed to
guide the study.
i.
how does divorce influence students development?
ii.
how do parents living together influence the children’s social
development?
iii.
how can the effects on social development be reduced?
1.5 Scope of Study
This
study is limited to Nigeria alone due to the alarming rate at which we are
experiencing divorce in our society presently. It is experienced in all areas
of our society including the Western culture, but due to time, facts and space,
this study will focus on the Nigerian experiences only.
Under
the Matrimonial Causes Act, the only ground upon which the court can grant a
decree of dissolution of marriage is where the marriage has broken down
irretrievably. The facts upon which the court will hold these are as follows:
i.
the respondent has willfully and persistently
refused to consummate the marriage;
ii.
that since the marriage, the respondent has
committed adultery thus the respondent finds it Intolerable to live with the
respondent;
iii.
the respondent has behaved in such a way that
the petitioner cannot reasonably be expected to live with him;
iv.
desertion of at least one year;
v.
that the parties have lived apart for a
continuous period of at least two years
immediately preceding the presentation of the petition and the respondent does
not object to a decree being granted;
vi.
that the parties to the marriage have lived
apart for a period of at least three years immediately preceding the
presentation.
All
these and many more will limit the scope to just the Nigerian system because of
the religion, the system and the total Nigerian family system. Although
divorce is experienced in all societies and cultures, but the study will be
limited to the Nigerian system, in Lagos State and in Surulere local government
area in particular for practical illustration and complete
understanding.
In
order to understand the study, there is the need to carry out a full study on
the causes of divorce, the effects on the children, the effects on the
adolescents, the couples involved and the general society. The period of this
research was short, which did not give room for travelling far and wide to
compare the availability and utilization of the research materials in other
schools outside the Lagos metropolis.
Some
selected private and public schools were utilized for the research study in
order to carry out a full and comprehensive study on the major causes of
divorce in our immediate society, the effects of divorce on the children and
the whole family, the academic and psychological effects on the couple and the
children, the guidance and counselling effects and the contributions of
counsellors to avoid the present adolescents from experiencing these ugly
monster called “Divorce”
The
questionnaire would measure type of family relationship of both parents,
divorced or not. Does it affect the students’ behaviour? The relationship of
the pupil to his father’s wives, if polygamous. Occupation of parents, total
number of children, which of the parent is the pupil living with? The problem
in the family and how all the above variables do affect the pupil’s life in
general and the academic performance in particular. Also a performance test on
English language and Mathematics were constructed to test the performances of
the pupils with duration of 45 minutes under a strict conducive examinations
condition.
1.6 Significance
of Study
In view of the problems caused by parental
separation and total divorce in the Nigerian society, this study will be of
great help to couples, teachers, adolescents, guidance counsellors and the
general society at large.
By
knowing and identifying the causes and effects of divorce with their different implications,
the study will highlight the importance of mutual understanding among couples
for the sake and welfare of the children and the family. It will also enable
parents to know the right path in which to train and develop their children. It
will help parents know that the social vices associated with their separation
sadden and weakens the society in general.
The
study will help children to live a normal life under the right atmosphere; it
will also enable children to seek the help of a guidance counsellor who would
help in identifying their problems and finding a lasting solution to them. It
has been shown (Asher and White 1978) that children from disrupted families
tend to have lowered socio-economic and educational attainments and higher
rates of instability in their marriages.
Like
Oguntoye (1987) noted, children may undergo a great level of personal pains
when their parents’ marriage end, they feel hurt, confused, angry, violent,
abandoned, insecure, inferior and other social problems in relation to their
mates in the society. This study will help teachers know how to help children
from divorced homes and understand what they are going through. To show them
love and care, listen to their problems and be able help them academically to
achieve their goal in life. From this study, couples would learn to live a
respectable, peaceful and exemplary married life.
1.7 Limitations of the Study
The researcher is aware that
not all the respondents will be willing to share all the information openly due
to fear of stigma, the researcher will assure the respondents that any
information given will be treated with utmost confidentiality. The research
itself may be costly especially the data collection and analysis. The process
of data collection and analysis will be time consuming. Poor infrastructure may
make it impossible to reach some schools within the time allocated. The
researcher will use the cheapest available means and work continuously without
break.
1.8 Definition of Terms
In
the course of this research, some terms will be defined for better
understanding of the study.
GUIDANCE–
African communities had always had guidance and that this had always been
carried out by traditional helpers who assisted people when they had personal
concerns and problems they that could not solve all by themselves. Guidance is
a total programme of highly, specialized activities implemented by all staff
members to help individuals make wise intelligent choices and
decisions.
COUNSELLING–
is a one to one , person to person or face to face encounter between the
counsellor and the counsellee. It is a helping relationship based on
trust.
It is also a process by which an individual is assisted to evaluate him or
herself
and his or her opportunities, i.e. to make feasible choices in the light of his
or her unique characteristics and opportunities, to accept responsibility for
his or her choices and initiate a course of action that is in consonance with
any given choice.
MARRIAGE–
is a sacred and permanent contract which is assumed to be enacted when two
people (usually a man and a woman) decide of their own accord and in the
presence of at least two witnesses to exchange the formal consent to live a
life of vocation of love and sharing for each other for the purpose of
promoting their mutual growth and welfare as partners in their journey together
through life.
FAMILY–
is the bedrock of any society. A family is a bio-social group, a network of
person’s intimately held together by a bond of social, kinship or blood
relationships.
DIVORCE–
or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the death of
either spouse. Black’s law dictionary* defines Divorce as the imports of a
dissolution of the marriage relation between husband and wife, i.e. a complete
severance of the tie by which the parties were united.
MARITAL
COUNSELLING– is concerned with assisting couples to
understand where they are so that they may decide on their own volition which
way to go.
RESPONSIBILITIES–
these is the taking care of the political, social, physical, mental and
economic challenges that occurs in the home to bring about peace and stability.
ACEDEMIC
ACHIVEMENT– it is the sum total of all the child’s
academic activities and performances in the school. This could be obtained
through test grades. Academic achievements are the display of knowledge in
subjects which are measured through tests by teachers.
ATTENDANCE–
it is the action or time of being present. It includes punctuality, lateness,
absenteeism and truancy.