Monty: Answering the telephone
Is not so hard to do
Once you know the secret
Which I shall show to you
What you say – that’s the key!
And it’s easy as it can be
You can say…
(RING!)
Bert: Hello? No, this isn’t Ernie’s ducky!
(RING!)
Monty: Or, perhaps…
Cookie Monster: Hello? You got cookie for me please?
(RING!)
Monty: Or…
Count: Hello, you are caller number one.
Monty: But don’t say…(picks up phone)
Watermelons and Cheese!
Chorus: (dancing in) No, you don’t say –
Monty: Watermelons and –
Chorus: You don’t say –
Monty: Watermelons and –
Chorus: You never say –
Monty: Watermelons and Cheese!
Chorus: Puh-lease try a-gain!
Monty: This should be a breeze…
(RING!)
(answers) Watermelons and Cheese!
Oh, sorry!
Chorus: You could have said –
(RING!)
Bert: (with pigeon) Hello? Bernice, it’s for you.
(RING!)
Chorus: A classic!
Cookie Monster: Hi, me can’t talk now – eating cookies!
(RING!)
Chorus: Or…
Count: Hello, you are caller number two – ‘a, ‘a, ‘a!
(RING!)
Chorus: You can do it!
Monty: (answering) Watermelons and Cheese!
Chorus: No, you don’t say –
Monty: Watermelons and –
Chorus: You don’t say –
Monty: Watermelons and –
Chorus: You never say –
Monty: Watermelons and Cheese!
Chorus: Puh-lease try a-gain!
Monty: This should be a breeze…
(RING!)
(answers) Watermelons and Cheese!
Chorus: NO!!!
Monty: Right! Jolly good! Not a problem! I think I’ve got it now.
You don’t say, you never never say –
(RING!)
Watermelon: (answering) Watermelon and Cheese!
Monty: Unless you’re a Watermelon…
Watermelon: It’s for you! (hands phone to a giant swiss cheese)
Monty: Or a Cheese!
Watermelon: Ha ha ha!
Cheese: Gouda you to call …