CHAPTER ONE
INTRODUCTION
Marriage is an age long institution instituted by God in the Garden of Eden. God brought the first woman, Eve, to the first man, Adam. Marriage is a state that every man and woman desire to be in every tribe or culture. The state of being single is described by God as not being good: It is not good that man should be alone, (Gen. 2:18). On sighting the new creature brought to him the man (Adam) jubilantly exclaimed, this now or this one you brought is what I have been searching and waiting for!. Marriage could be very exciting, though in some cases the excitement may not last long. Why?
It is not new that there are so many divorcees in the Church of Christ today. The phenomenon that was a taboo many centuries ago is actually becoming the norm.[1] This was not the case several years ago. The church believes in and teaches “one flesh” marriage is for life it also believes in the need for the couple to be compatible. What is the biblical concept of marriage; compatibility or complementary, uniformity or unity-in-diversities? Can it be said that Genesis 2: 18-24 teach compatibility which makes the couple to become one flesh? Can there be husband and wife who are one hundred (100) percent compatible in which case the issue of divorce would not surface? If it is true how then, one can explain the following cases.
1.1 Background of the Problem
About three years ago Tola and Temitayo were joined in a holy wedlock in a popular Pentecostal church. The couple claimed to have prayed and was sure they were “bone of bones and flesh of flesh” therefore believe they were compatible. They commenced their married life journey with great enthusiasm and were very optimistic that they were in it for life. Nine months into their marriage, some issues began to cause problems in the home, some of these they were able to resolve while some seem irresolvable. Eventually the sweet heart became bitter heart and the better half became bitter heart. Initially, they resolved to give peace a chance through temporary separation. By and large the temporary separation finally became a permanent one: they divorced.[2] One wonders why this change just after some years in marriage? Both claimed they were not compatible although at the beginning they believed they were meant for each other as husband and wife. What was their concept of compatibility, incompatibility and that of becoming one flesh?
The story of the marriage of Ngozi and Chidiebere was not all that different. They got married ten years ago, but today they are living separately. Their misunderstandings seem irreconcilable. They never saw eye-to-eye although they are from the same denomination and the same local church branch, same tribe, same town. They claimed they were not compatible and so can no longer stayed married under the same roof. Divorce is a taboo in their culture so they decided to be permanently separated; now living in different parts of the country.[3] Again, one wonders why such a marriage that had a joyful and glorious beginning should collapse. It was said that they had tried so much to become compatible, but the more they tried the more each one feeling like being in a cage. They finally agreed that it was because they are not compatible; they also believe that their being incompatible is responsible for their misunderstandings and regular quarrelling. What was their view of being compatible or being incompatible? What does becoming one flesh mean to them?
One can cite many other examples of couples that are either divorced or are living separately because they believe they are not compatible. Therefore, they cannot become one flesh as supposedly found in the holy book and as being taught in their church. Is their idea of compatibility and incompatibility? What is the correct meaning of one flesh and the role of compatibility or incompatibility in Christian marriage? This is the major concern of this research.
1.2 Statement of the Problem.
Many marriages have been dissolved, separated, or at the verge of divorce because those that are involved believe they are not compatible, therefore, cannot become one flesh as found in the scriptures. The problem basically could be their understanding or misunderstanding of what it means to be one flesh and their interpretation of compatibility or incompatibility when it comes to marriage. It is the opinion of the researcher that a proper understanding of the biblical term “one flesh” and adequate information about whether God asks the couple to be compatible or not will greatly reduce, if not eliminate the unwarranted, unnecessary quarrels among couples that usually lead to separation nor even divorce.
1.3 Purpose of the Study
This project aims at engaging in a research to unravel the Biblical concept of marriage: is it compatibility or complementary? Is the idea of being one flesh uniformity or unity-in-diversities? Could one flesh also be pointing to the sexual union between husband and wife? Does the Bible present a situation of incompatibility? What should be the attitude of Christian couple when they discovered areas of incompatibility or what is called irreconcilable differences? Can the couple still cope even with those areas of incompatibility? How should they handle such areas in their marriage? It aims also to find out some areas of compatibility and incompatibility in Christian marriage. The research will find out whether it is in the plan of God in the scriptures for the couple to be compatible or otherwise. Is it possible for the husband and wife to be one hundred per cent compatible though they believe they were meant for each other as bone of bones and flesh of flesh?
1.4 Significance of the Study
One believes that the results of this research will be of immense help to couples especially those who are struggling with the idea of how to become compatible and consequently, become one flesh and still struggling about how to handle areas of their incompatibilities.
Ministers of God in the selected Lagos Churches and consequently, other ministers at large, would be greatly educate would be greatly educated as to the issue of compatibility and incompatibility as well as becoming one flesh in marriage. This will eventually affects their presentations on the issue of one flesh and God’s idea on compatibility and incompatibility, as they teach worshippers in their congregation.
Marriage counsellors in selected Lagos Churches will have better understanding of biblical ideas on one flesh, compatibility and incompatibility. Marriage counsellors from other denominations will also be beneficiaries of the results of this work. Marriage committees of various denominations will, on reading this work, be richly informed on the issues of becoming one flesh, marital compatibility and incompatibility. They in turn will be able to help couples gain better understanding on the matter. Parents will also be blessed when they have access to the material and will be equipped to give their wards proper and informed guidance as they plan to get marry soon. Youths who are yet to marry and even the married ones will acquire valuable pieces of information that will help them not to fall into the mistakes of other couples who had no opportunity to such information.
1.5 Scope of the Study
This research is undertaken in and is limited to selected Lagos Churches. The Denominations are 1) Christ Apostolic Church, 2) Anglican Communion, 3) Baptist Church, and 4) Foursquare Gospel Church in Nigeria: all in Lagos. This provides opportunity for wider views on the subject. The results will definitely be applicable to and be useful in other denominations regardless of whatever trade name they bear. It is also a fact that the results will be of great benefits to couples who are struggling for harmony and peace in their homes.
1.6. Limitations to the Studies.
1.7. Research Methodology.
Methods employed in this research are a combination of field and Library research. Structured and unstructured interviews were conducted, questionnaire distributed, collected and collated for the purpose of data analysis and presentation and discussions. Library works such as books, articles, magazines, theses, were consulted. Relevant On-line materials on the internet were also not neglected.
1.8. Thesis Statement
Biblical concept of marriage is not compatibility but complementary, not uniformity but unity-in-diversities: every marriage has its areas compatibility and incompatibility. Becoming one flesh does not mean uniformity-at-all-cost. A proper understanding of these will quell the surge of divorce because of incompatibility among couples.