Love languages are ways of expressing and receiving feelings towards one another and in a relationship to grow as a couple. Many people show unique gestures and symbols of love to make each other feel loved and appreciated in a relationship.
Avigail Lev, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist and certified mediator says, “When we know how we experience love and also understand the ways that our partner experiences love, it helps us create a healthy, meaningful, and authentic connection.”
The five languages for love according to Dr. Chapman, author of “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts” are: Words of affirmation, Acts of service, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, and Physical Touch.
1. Words Of Affirmation
The very first among the love languages is words of affirmation which is any sort of verbal or written communication that shows your partner how much they are loved and why. This can be done with kind words and encouragement, cute text messages, love notes, and uplifting quotes.
Compliments and words of encouragement can be as simple as “I love you,” or more elaborated like “I love you and appreciate how much you care for the people in your life.”
Here are a few ways to find out if this is your choice among the five languages of love.
- You appreciate when you are being praised or acknowledged. No matter how big or small it is always nice to have our efforts recognized.
- You really adore hearing “I Love You” from your partner frequently. These simple three words are special, meaningful, and reassuring in any relationship.
- You feel valued when your partner makes time to thoughtfully reflect and comment on positive things they notice you doing.
- You feel cherished if your partner complements simple things like your outfit, changed hairstyle, etc. This shows that they notice small details about you.
- You feel recognized and affirmed when you do something nice for your partner and they say, “Thank you.”
2. Act Of Service
The second language for love is an act of service which means you do nice things for your partner which makes them feel loved and appreciated. These nice things can be as simple as running errands, helping with dishes, putting gas in the car, vacuuming, etc.
For those with this love language, a helping hand makes them feel cared for, and doing something to lighten their load will never go unnoticed. Act of service might be your love language if you appreciate the following things.
- You feel taken care of when your partner supports you and helps ease your responsibilities by doing little chores or tasks for you.
- You get a feeling of joy when your partner steps in to do small things to make your life easier without even having to ask for it.
- You trust your partner more when they follow through on something, especially if they are paying attention and putting effort into help.
- You think action is everything and talk is cheap if not followed through. You need your partner to come through and to know you can rely on them.
- You really appreciate it when your partner takes it as an opportunity to lend a helping hand when you feel tired or stressed and take something off your plate.
3. Quality Time
Quality time means an uninterrupted focus or time together without distractions with your partner or loved ones. It is all about prioritizing the time for a loved one with undivided attention.
Someone who considers quality time among the 5 languages of love feels most appreciated when the partner is present, mindful, and attentive. Small efforts like eye contact, sitting close, turning off phones, deep conversations, etc, or big gestures like celebrating couples holidays help maintain deep connection.
If you can connect with the following statements then quality time is your language and love.
- You feel appreciated when your partner or loved ones make time for you, don’t cancel plans and prioritize you on their schedules.
- You like spending uninterrupted time with your partner and you must have enough time to hang out and enjoy each other with undivided attention.
- You feel happy when you are around your partner, even if you aren’t doing anything. The important thing is you both are spending focused with each other.
- You feel it is meaningful to soak in every second of your time together and help grow together in the relationship.
- You feel it is super important to create special moments and memories together by sharing new experiences.
4. Receiving Gifts
Another type of love language is receiving gifts where couples feel more appreciated when they give each other some thoughtful gifts. No matter how big or small the gif is it’s the effort that counts. Sometimes DIY gifts on valentines day and other special occasions speaks volumes in a relationship.
It can be anything like gifting books, flowers, favorite band concert tickets, framed pictures from couples’ vacations, etc. It’s all about the gift being a symbol of love. Someone who agrees with the following scenarios then receiving gifts is their loving language.
- You feel loved while receiving presents. This is because we can witness a genuine effort from the person who gifts you something.
- You want to commemorate holidays, anniversaries and birthdays with some kind of presents because those days are extra special.
- You like to take a memento home with you after a date or a vacation which helps remind you of that special moment.
- You feel most happy when receiving a surprise gift. Surprise gifts help maintain a deeper connection and supercharge the bond between the partners.
- You interpret receiving gifts as you are prized, seen and cared for as you enjoy the thoughtfulness behind the gifts.
5. Physical Touch
The final style for love language is physical touch. This love language is about using our body to express connection and love such as holding hands, cuddling on the couch, hugging, kissing, and having sex. People who excel in this love language read body language very closely and use intimacy and touch to feel bonded and affirmed.
People who agree with the statements below fall in the category of physical touch as their loving language.
- You feel alive and rejuvenated while receiving hugs, cuddles, and kisses. Tactile Intimacy can be addictive for people using this love language.
- You won’t hesitate to public displays of affection instead feel wanted and desired by your partner in such situations.
- You desire sexual intimacy which makes you feel loved and closer to your partner.
- You like sitting side by side with your partner and cuddling up if you two are sitting together. More closer the better.
- You feel relaxed in a relationship when physical affection is often cultivated. Holding hands and kisses are common and welcome occurrences.
Conclusion
Most of us have one or two preferred love languages and love languages apply to non-romantic couples as well. We need to identify what works for ourselves and our partners and use it to establish more deeper and intimate relationships.
If both people in a relationship understand their love language and their partner’s love language, they are going to feel more taken care of and more satisfied. Learning to speak your partner’s preferred love language can immediately strengthen your relationship.
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