We know celebrities are in a special place. Their own little world where the laws and rewards of behaving like a normal person don’t apply. To them, the things we obsess over like a job, the bills, getting fucked are silly things they find fun. It is the thought that necessitates writing this article – Weird Celebrity Baby Names – as it seems that the same thought seems to extend to the philosophy of naming the children of these celebrities. While the rest of humans carefully research and find the perfect name that helps them stand out and avoid being the butt of jokes in their adult lives, celebrities are just naming their kids regardless of the idea. which comes to mind. We assume that you do You don’t have to worry about your child’s name when all they need to mention is their last name and loved ones. It’s pretty schway.
But despite the needless need to fix perfectly organized names, some celebrities have taken very strange liberties with their children’s names. In this list of weird celebrity baby names, we’re compiling 20 celebrities who named their child something inexplicably weird. Here are the worst, craziest and weirdest.
Weird Celebrity Baby Names – The Weirdest
1. Nicholas Cage – Kal-El
How do you start a list of weird celebrity baby names in Hollywood without mentioning one of Hollywood’s weirdest actors? Nicholas Cage. We should have known he would name his child something different when he decided to change his last name to Coppola’s Cage because he loves comic books. We’re guessing the love didn’t falter at the time of fatherhood because when Nicholas became a father, he named his child Kal-El after Superman. Nicholas, why? Why?
2. Sylvester Stallone – Sage Moonblood
We’re not at all surprised that Mr. Here, Macho Man decided to go on top of Macho and name his child Moonblood. We expected it and we were not disappointed. Sylvester Stallone aka Rambo would take any chance to express how much of a man he is and if that includes giving his child a name that sounds like the start of a spell, so be it.
3. Gwyneth Paltrow – Apple
If you’re going to make a list of weird celebrity baby names, after Nicholas Cage, Gwyneth is definitely a foolproof for such a list. A weird standard in Hollywood, Gwyneth Paltrow hasn’t been shy about showing her weird side. If in doubt, take a look at the range of products from Goop, his lifestyle and wellness company. But we always assumed that she would keep the craziness of her profession and business and not bring it back with her. We were wrong. When she and Chris Martin gave birth, they named their child Apple. Why? We don’t know and neither does Gwyneth or Chris.
4. Kim Kardashian / Kanye West – North West
Yes, our overexposure to the life of the Kardashians and too much Kanye West has helped their child’s name reach a point of normality with us. But if you take a step back and really think about it, it’s pretty much one of the weirdest things about naming a child. We thought the two were joking when they admitted they were considering their child’s name, but with Kanye West involved, we should have known.
5. Spike Lee – Satchel
Spike Lee already dresses weirdly so why not extend the same courtesy to your child’s name? The African-American filmmaker named his child Satchel, which literally means a small bag. Maybe the parents should face a judge before their choice of name is confirmed in the birth certificate?
6. Jay Z / Beyoncé – Blue Ivy
They are kings and queens, and as the princess of the kingdom cannot move around with a normal like a peasant. Super couple Jay Z and Beyoncé have named their first child Blue Ivy. We don’t understand it. We don’t even know how we feel about it, but one look at the child tells us… that’s the name she deserves.
7. Lil Kim – Reign Royal
We know reason and rationality aren’t the brand Lil Kim has built over the years and we certainly appreciate his quirks. We just expect her to hold him back when it comes to her child. Give him a chance to live in this world without a giant “give me jokes ass” on his forehead. Too bad.
8. Forest Whitaker – Ocean
This is one of the few names on this list that is just weirder than terrible. When Forest explained his rationale behind the name – saying he wanted his son to be expansive, it felt alien but it’s nothing compared to the other candidates on this list.
Weird Celebrity Baby Names – The Worst
9. David Duchovny / Tea Leoni – Kyd
Maybe it’s our fault that we expect a lot from David Duchovny. After all, he is the man from Californication. A show that apparently resembles his real life. David and his wife, Tea Leoni (now divorced) named their child, Kyd. Now, we enjoy puns as much as the next man, but to say it’s ridiculous would be an understatement. Good luck with political office in the future, Kyd
10. Rob Morrow – You Morrow
Here’s a tip – Don’t name your child the first funny joke name that comes to mind. Not only is this name ridiculous, but it’s also a joke name that’s incredibly lazy and makes us fear for Rob Morrow’s parenting style. Fortunately, you can always change your name because this child will need it.
11. Jason Lee / Beth Riesgraf – Pilot Inspector
Here’s the story behind this one because we’re hoping you’ll share our perplexity. Jason Lee says he chose the name after a song he listened to on Granddaddy’s 2000 album – The Sophtware Slump. He claims the album’s first track – “He’s simple, he’s dumb, he’s the pilot” flabbergasted. Then he began to mark a human being in real life with the fleeting feeling he had on a track. If this story explains the pilot (it doesn’t), where does the Inspektor come from? You know what? We abandon.
12. Michael Jackson – Prince Michael II
Michael Jackson went crazy for a minute there, and it all started with his kids’ names. If we were the type to pay attention to things like that, that was really when it started. He named his first child Prince Michael Jackson. A little lazy and pretentious, but it’s Michael, so we’re not raising our eyebrows. However, when the second boy arrived in 2002, Michael decided he was going to name his child the equivalent of a duplicate file in a computer. He named his second son Prince Michael II. Personally, I hope the first question God asked him at the pearly gates is: Why? We miss you Michael.
13. Cardi B / Offset – Kulture Kiari
Surely you didn’t think that a list like this would leave out Cardi B? However, a list of weird celebrity baby names without Cardi B’s new baby isn’t complete. We are always encouraged not to pass on the mistakes of his parents, to let the faults and bad decisions end up in our part of the chain. This lesson was clearly lost on Cardi B and Offset whose real names are Belcalis Almanzar and Kiari Kendrell Cephus respectively. Good luck to the child. He will need it.
14. Ashlee Simpson – Bronx Mowgli
We don’t have an explanation for the Bronx part of the name but according to Ashlee Simpson and ex-husband, Pete Wentz – they chose Mowgli because they both bonded over The Jungle Book. Sweet origin story. Questionable result.
Weird Celebrity Baby Names – The Craziest
15. Jermaine Jackson – Jermajesty
Celebrities love to stand out. We’re pretty sure naming your child something that makes a list like weird celebrity baby names is part of what they teach in celebrity school, but some just take it too far. Do we want to get into this one with Jermaine Jackson? We would like. But having thought about it, we’ll just let this one go. It’s too late.
16. Shannyn Sossamon – Audio Science
We know the celebrities aren’t exactly known for their solid foundation in logic and rationality, but we’d still like to know what their child, Audio Science, is called. If the story behind the decision is a story, there was none. “Audio Science” – No. We just said it out loud and we’re still confused.
17. Keith Cozart (Chief Keef) – Snow Filmon Dot Com Cozart
No, we didn’t just close our eyes, press random buttons and come up with this. That’s the real name of Chief Keef’s son. If there’s a weird celebrity baby name contest, Chief Keef’s child will definitely be in the bottom four.
Nobody knows how eccentric rappers can be better than us. We welcome it, it’s pretty much part of the culture. But this? It is simply wrong. Looks like Chief Keef was in the baby’s room with his entourage, asked them to say words, and he continued to write them on the birth certificate. The only good thing about a name like this is that the child will never have to worry about a stage name if they choose to become an artist.
18. Penn Jillette – Moxie CrimeFighter & Zolten
Penn Jillette is an illusionist, and we hope his children’s names are one too. Moxie Crimefighter and Zolten. If Penn is building his own personal superhero team, the naming formula is a bit on the nose, mate.
19. Bed Rocknroll / Kate Winslet – Bear Blaze
Do we really have much to complain about or be surprised by a man whose name is Bed Rocknroll? Do we? No. We’re just disappointed that Kate Winslet couldn’t control her worst impulses. Too bad.
20. Nick Cannon / Mariah Carey – Moroccan
We dig by naming people after places. That’s pretty cool and we stand by that statement. What we do not encourage, however, is naming your child after the native name of the place. Moroccan is the name of a native of the country, Morocco. Obviously, their relationship wasn’t the only weird thing about Nick Canon and Mariah Carey.
Here is our list of weird celebrity baby names. Think we missed a name that should be on the list? Shoot us a comment.